Something #5

So, this post is a long time coming I think because I was having such a hard time that day. It was pretty shitty, the beginning of a weekend that stirred a lot of emotional doo-doo.

Let me preface this, by stating that the night before I opened this something, I had started dumping old photos onto my computer. These photos were from the summer of 2007. Literally, my life flashing before my eyes.

There was my trip to Portland to visit you.

There were pictures of him. (Eye roll).

Then there were pictures of Mexico.

It was weird. I have all of those memories in my head but don't call on them, because I have mixed feelings about that time in my life.

I loved the experience of Mexico and am so thankful for that opportunity, even though I was heartbroken at the time. I look back at who broke my heart, I never should have given him that much power.

I should have stuck it out in Mexico.

There I said it. That's very hard for me to admit, but it's true. I should have tried and I still carry that burden with me. I guess that's what was so upsetting, I feel like I failed at that part of life, and it added to my emotional stew.

Things are going really well here in Belgium. I'm so happy here with Jon. Happy doing things for him, happier than I ever thought I could be, and I don't want to lose this feeling or him. Deep down, I fear that I will feel like a failure if I am not able to stay with him, but I forget to look at the big picture. Some things are out of my control and all I have is this time with him right now, and it's happy. It's bliss. Really. He is so wonderful.

So, I took your little something with me to city hall last week to see about staying here for the year. I chose this something because it would fit in my purse, it was flat, and I liked the palm trees that you drew on the front. In my mind palm trees = Mexico, and I ♥ Mexico!

I took a number and I waited.

And waited,

and waited,

and waited.

Finally, I got some answers. Not exactly the answers I was looking for, but I know what I need to do. It's a long list, about 7 things long. Some of these items force me to deal with parts of my past that I wish were forgotten, but fortunately there is bureaucracy that records it bringing it all up again. I feel a headache coming on just thinking about it all. Anyway, all is not lost. I'll just check off the items off my list and hope for the best.

When I got home, I was upset, crying and feeling burdened. I had completely forgotten about the package.

I tearfully opened it and there we were.

When I opened this something I was online, my screen was telling me someone wanted to chat, and there you were.

xoxo

~LYMI